These CloneMasters songs played on the Dr Demento Show 25 years ago
“AWAKE” (2:02) Awake? Who wants that?
“FRESH HERRING LOVE” (4:10)
Common Interests = Strong Relationships…however weird they may be.
“MY TV (6:32)” (4:25) Virtual reality vs reality. At one point in your life Fate will demand you choose. This may be the greatest CloneMasters song ever, but sexy FRESH HERRING LOVE gets all the hits.
Another guitar lesson from the CloneMasters Songbook
Lyrics and guitar tabs by Greg Giacona and Brian Chambers
MY TV
Doo wop
_______G___________Em__C________D________G__Em__C____D
1. Every minute of the day goes so slow when I’m away, I wish that I
____________G___________Em_____C_______D_______G__C_G_G7
could always stay where I’m happy and I’m happy next to you
_______C____________________________G
Chorus: I climb the front stairs at 6:30, I rush just to get next to
_G7__C__________________________________D_________D7
you, I turn you on, I flip your dials and I’m in heaven at 6:32
2. La Verne and Shirley, (don’t forget the Fonz), Susanne Summers, you really turn me on
You thrill me, you kill me, you even laugh for me. I’m in heaven when I’m next to my TV
CH
3. Don’t have to think now just turn up the sound, Grab a TV dinner, imatation ground round
You show what I want to see, say what I want to hear, live my life for me. I’m in a stupor by 6:33
Halitosis
_G___D_______C______G___D________G______G_____D____C
1. If I die of pneumonia, bury me by the begonias, If I die of rabies,
G___D_______G
bury me by the daisies
____C________________D______G___D_____G
Chorus: But if I die of halitosis, bury me by the roses.
The good Lord gave us all noses, so bury me by the roses.
2. If I die of the sillies, bury me by the lilies.
Thou my death may not cause no sensation, bury me with one carnation.
CH
Fresh Herring Love
(He) You have a herring in the bottom of your suitcase. It’s got a herring’s tail, it’s got a herring’s face.
And the reason that I mention all this to you…is, can’t you tell? I’ve got one too.
Don’t you see that is was destiny? We’re on the same plane to Rome tonight.
(She) You are mistaken, Sir, because I have no herring…It’s the perfume that I am wearing…and if you continue to annoy me I’ll call a cop. You’d better stop.
(He) Why deny it? It’s fools who haven’t tried it! Can’t you see? It was destiny.
(She) I have a family, they wouldn’t understand. My poor old mother…she’ll be there when we land. So please leave me alone.
(He) Come with me to my home.
I own a herring factory. We’ll be so happy by the sea. You’ll live a life of luxury…fresh herring every day!
(She) They’ll say it’s just a kink.
(He) Who cares what people think?
(Both) We’ll thank our lucky stars above…we know our fresh herring love.
Awake
//Awake, awake, awake and make a joyful noise unto the world (you can do it now)//
You’re out of coffee and cigarettes, the mail comes in and it’s full of regreats: “We regret to inform you that you’re overworked and underpaid, overdrawn and underdeveloped.”
The little windows in the envelopes make you realize that there is no hope.
Looking at your name through cellophane makes you feel just a bit insane.
Oh, Tipper, Tipper
Oh Tipper, Tipper, I feel pressure on my zipper, but I know you’re not that kind of girl (Wild Thing)
I can’t control myself, I have your picture on my shelf as all my dark desires now unfurl (Do It In the Road)
I should have listened to my mammy and turned out more like Jim and Tammy, Jimmy Swaggart instead of Jerry Lee (Great Balls of Fire)
Been much more like Albert Gore and spent my time promoting war and disinforming folks in Tennessee.
Simple folks with simple minds, ain’t smart enough, ain’t got the time. It’s up to you teach them right from wrong (Sex and Violence and Rock & Roll)
A chick like you could sell a book, I tell you Hon, you’ve got the look. Let’s censor each and every dirty song (Do You Like Boobs a Lot?)
Oh Tipper, Tipper, I feel pressure on my zipper, but I still think that we could get along (We All Need Someone to Cream On)
So come on over to my house and beat me up and wash my mouth and help me write a nice, clean PG song.
Otto’s Autos
You’ll go far, buy a car, we sell to all the stars at Otto’s Autos
Our cars are all elite, you’ll think they’re really neat, come down and test drive one
You’ll never get a lemon, you get a one-year guarantee, and if you need a lube job, we’ll give you one for free.
Oh, at Hornsby’s Elite Automotive Palace, when you buy a car we never show you malice
At HEAP you get a pretty good deal.
Cross-eyed in Love Over You
G_____________________________C
I guess I had just one too many as you walked through that door.
D_______________________________________________G
Couldn’t take my eyes off you as you slinked across the floor.
G_______________________________C
You turned ‘round and I lost focus as you walked back my way.
D_____________________________________________________________G
Our paths crossed, but so did my eyes and I guess they’re gonna stay…
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Chorus: Cross-eyed in love over you. No one affects me like you do. I
D_____________________________________G______________C_____GCGC
don’t regret the day we met, although I’m cross-eyed in love over you.
2. The room was spinning but I was grinning, trying to look so cool
Then someone said, “Get up, you jerk. You fell of your stool.”
“My daddy didn’t raise no fools. Mister, this ain’t no joke. I got a bet with some good old boys: Is this sawdust pine or oak?”
CH
3. It was a shaky start, but I won your heart and now our new life can begin…just as soon as I find a guy for your homely Siamese twin.
CH
My Old Man
This is tone-deaf-friendly Country music. There is no melody line…
Just strum, utter the lyrics and change chords as shown:
C_______________________________________________________________G
1. When I just a young pup I was lucky, ‘cause my old man gave me good advice
G_____________________________________________________________C
He was at the king of his profession and his wise words will last me all my life
C___________________F______________________C
CHORUS: (Well he said) If you have to sleep in the gutter,
G_______________________C
don’t leave your bottle in the street
______F______________C_____________G__________________C
Never pass out under the statues ‘cause pidgeons are seldom discreet
2. I tried to follow in his footsteps, but he was smart and didn’t leave a trail/ But I heard tell in a hobo village that my old man was in the county jail/ I rushed to catch the ole Santa Fe…I hopped a ride upon the rails…But, my old man was gone when I got there.
He hocked the Sheriff’s watch to pay his bail
CH
3. I knew my days were numbered as a hobo, but my old man had taught me all them tricks/ I tried to find a job where I could use them…That’s how I got my start in politics/ My old man would be proud if he could see me and I wish that he were here to celebrate/ We’re about to unveil his statue in the park…and the birds are here to help us decorate
CH
No Toys for Christmas
D__________A______________D
CH: No toys on this Christmas Day
____G_______________D_______A
The North Pole has melted away
____G__________A_____________G_____________A
It really is a shame, Global Warming is to blame
________G________D_______________A
Santa’s Mail was dumped into the bay
_________D______________________A____________D
1) Your Christmas List splashed down in icy waters
____G_______D_____________A
And sadly, gobbled by an otter…
G________________A______G__________________A
Eaten by a Polar Bear, Who really doesn’t care
____G___________D____________A
If Santa brings you a Harry Potter
______D______________________A_________D
2) A Russian flag now flies Santa’s toyshop
_______G______________D_________A
at the bottom of the deep blue sea
______G_________________A__________G_______________A
Godless Commies now own Christmas, Santa sure will miss us
_______G_______________D______________A
But he’s got no toys to give to you and me
_______D__________A___________________D
3) No presents beneath the Christmas tree
______G_____________D___________A
Cause my Mom still drives her SUV
G____________________A__________G_____________A
Dad’s rolling in his Hummer and freezes us in summer
_________G____________D______________A
So I’ll never get to sit on Santa’s knee
_____D__________A______________D
CH: No toys on this Christmas Day
___G________________D_______A
The North Pole has melted away
____G___________A____________G______________A
It really is a shame. Global Warming is to blame
______G__________D__________A__________G__________A ____________D
And I’ll never get to sit on Santa’a knee, No I’ll never get to sit on Santa’s knee
NY Times- Russia Plants Underwater Flag at North Pole
Published by Greg at 09:42 AM on July 30, 2005