3 of these CloneMasters songs played on the Dr Demento Show 25 years ago. No Toys is new!
Clonemaster YouTubes
There’s No Toys on this Christmas Day“MY TV (6:32)” (4:25) Virtual reality vs reality. At one point in your life Fate will demand you choose. This may be the greatest CloneMasters song ever, but sexy FRESH HERRING LOVE gets all the hits.
“FRESH HERRING LOVE” (4:10)
Common Interests = Strong Relationships…however weird they may be.
“AWAKE” (2:02) Awake? Who wants that?
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Songbook with lyrics and chords
.Another guitar lesson from the CloneMasters Songbook
Lyrics and guitar tabs by Greg Giacona and Brian Chambers
NO TOYS ON THIS CHRISTMAS DAY by Greg Giacona
1- There’s G no toys on D this Christmas G day.The C North pole has Em melted D away.
C It really is a D shame, Global G warming is to Em blame.
And C Santa’s mail got G dumped into the D bay
2- My Christmas list splashed down in icy water
And, sadly it was gobbled by an otter
…swallowed by a polar bear who really doesn’t care
if I get my toys and every Harry Potter
3- No presents beneath the Christmas tree
Cause my mom still drives her SUV
Dad’s rolling in his Hummer and freezes us in summer
So I’ll never get to sit on Santa’s knee
4- A Russian flag no flies on Santa’s workshop
at the bottom of the deep blue sea
Godless Commies now own Christmas and Santa sure will miss us
But he’s got no toys to give to you and me
5- No toys beneath the Christmas tree
Cause my mom still drives her SUV
It really is a shame, Global warming is to blame
So I’ll never get to sit on Santa’s knee
Cause he’s C got no toys to D give to you and G me.
NY Times- Russia Plants Underwater Flag at North Pole
MY TV
1. Every G minute of the Em dayC goes so D slow when I’m G away Em C
I wish that D
I wish that I could always G stay where I’m Em happy C and I’m D happy next to you G C G G7
Chorus: C I climb the front stairs at 6:30, G I rush just to get next to you,
G7 C I turn you on, I flip your dials
and I’m in D heaven at 6:32 D7
2. La Verne and Shirley, (don’t forget the Fonz), Susanne Summers, you really turn me on
You thrill me, you kill me, you even laugh for me. I’m in heaven when I’m next to my TV
CH
3. Don’t have to think now just turn up the sound, Grab a TV dinner, imatation ground round
You show what I want to see, say what I want to hear, live my life for me. I’m in a stupor by 6:33
Fresh Herring Love
(He) You have a herring in the bottom of your suitcase. It’s got a herring’s tail, it’s got a herring’s face.And the reason that I mention all this to you…is, can’t you tell? I’ve got one too.
Don’t you see that is was destiny? We’re on the same plane to Rome tonight.
(She) You are mistaken, Sir, because I have no herring…It’s the perfume that I am wearing…and if you continue to annoy me I’ll call a cop. You’d better stop.
(He) Why deny it? It’s fools who haven’t tried it! Can’t you see? It was destiny.
(She) I have a family, they wouldn’t understand. My poor old mother…she’ll be there when we land. So please leave me alone.
(He) Come with me to my home.
I own a herring factory. We’ll be so happy by the sea. You’ll live a life of luxury…fresh herring every day!
(She) They’ll say it’s just a kink.
(He) Who cares what people think?
(Both) We’ll thank our lucky stars above…we know our fresh herring love.
Awake
//Awake, awake, awake and make a joyful noise unto the world (you can do it now)//You’re out of coffee and cigarettes, the mail comes in and it’s full of regreats: “We regret to inform you that you’re overworked and underpaid, overdrawn and underdeveloped.”
The little windows in the envelopes make you realize that there is no hope.
Looking at your name through cellophane makes you feel just a bit insane.
Halitosis
1. G If I D die of C pneumonia, G bury D me by the G begonias,G If I D die of C rabies,
G bury D me by the G daisies
Chorus: C But if I die of D halitosis, G bury D me by the G roses.
G C The good Lord gave us all C noses, so G bury D me by the G roses.
2. If I die of the sillies, bury me by the lilies.
Though my death may not cause no sensation, bury me with one carnation.
CH
Oh, Tipper, Tipper
Oh Tipper, Tipper, I feel pressure on my zipper, but I know you’re not that kind of girl (Wild Thing)I can’t control myself, I have your picture on my shelf as all my dark desires now unfurl (Do It In the Road)
I should have listened to my mammy and turned out more like Jim and Tammy, Jimmy Swaggart instead of Jerry Lee (Great Balls of Fire)
Been much more like Albert Gore and spent my time promoting war and disinforming folks in Tennessee.
Simple folks with simple minds, ain’t smart enough, ain’t got the time. It’s up to you teach them right from wrong (Sex and Violence and Rock & Roll)
A chick like you could sell a book, I tell you Hon, you’ve got the look. Let’s censor each and every dirty song (Do You Like Boobs a Lot?)
Oh Tipper, Tipper, I feel pressure on my zipper, but I still think that we could get along (We All Need Someone to Cream On)
So come on over to my house and beat me up and wash my mouth and help me write a nice, clean PG song.
Otto’s Autos
You’ll go far, buy a car, we sell to all the stars at Otto’s AutosOur cars are all elite, you’ll think they’re really neat, come down and test drive one
You’ll never get a lemon, you get a one-year guarantee, and if you need a lube job, we’ll give you one for free.
Oh, at Hornsby’s Elite Automotive Palace, when you buy a car we never show you malice
At HEAP you get a pretty good deal.
Coming soon to YouTube- The Clonemasters go Country!
Cross-eyed in Love Over You
G_____________________________CI guess I had just one too many as you walked through that door.
D_______________________________________________G
Couldn’t take my eyes off you as you slinked across the floor.
G_______________________________C
You turned ‘round and I lost focus as you walked back my way.
D_____________________________________________________________G
Our paths crossed, but so did my eyes and I guess they’re gonna stay…
________C__________________G___C_______________________G_D
Chorus: Cross-eyed in love over you. No one affects me like you do. I
D_____________________________________G______________C_____GCGC
don’t regret the day we met, although I’m cross-eyed in love over you.
2. The room was spinning but I was grinning, trying to look so cool
Then someone said, “Get up, you jerk. You fell of your stool.”
“My daddy didn’t raise no fools. Mister, this ain’t no joke. I got a bet with some good old boys: Is this sawdust pine or oak?”
CH
3. It was a shaky start, but I won your heart and now our new life can begin…just as soon as I find a guy for your homely Siamese twin.
CH
My Old Man
This is tone-deaf-friendly Country music. There is no melody line…Just strum, utter the lyrics and change chords as shown:
C_______________________________________________________________G
1. When I just a young pup I was lucky, ‘cause my old man gave me good advice
G_____________________________________________________________C
He was at the king of his profession and his wise words will last me all my life
C___________________F______________________C
CHORUS: (Well he said) If you have to sleep in the gutter,
G_______________________C
don’t leave your bottle in the street
______F______________C_____________G__________________C
Never pass out under the statues ‘cause pidgeons are seldom discreet
2. I tried to follow in his footsteps, but he was smart and didn’t leave a trail/ But I heard tell in a hobo village that my old man was in the county jail/ I rushed to catch the ole Santa Fe…I hopped a ride upon the rails…But, my old man was gone when I got there.
He hocked the Sheriff’s watch to pay his bail
CH
3. I knew my days were numbered as a hobo, but my old man had taught me all them tricks/ I tried to find a job where I could use them…That’s how I got my start in politics/ My old man would be proud if he could see me and I wish that he were here to celebrate/ We’re about to unveil his statue in the park…and the birds are here to help us decorate
CH
Published by Greg at 09:42 AM on July 30, 2005