Kenny Boy is dead, dead, dead! Please ignore the postcard above and my last post when you hit “continued”. I used a whole bottle of White Out on my screen, but I can’t seem to delete my last entry. I can’t even see what I’m typing, but Ken Lay is drw321esd, dezgd, deq2cd!
Kenny Boy was due to be sentenced (Oct 23) just before the election. Legal experts say that Ken would have received 160 years in prison and a fine of $182,000,000! The wingnut liberals would have made poor Kenny the poster boy for GOP corruption and greed. Unacceptable! Turd Blossum and Rummie said erase him, but Poppie said no and they backed off (Daddy still has death squad connections). So, anyhoo we placed Kenny Boy in the Witless Protection Program and he’s currently vacationing with my brother Jeb. This is a secret. DO NOT LEAK THIS INFORMATION. So, who’s in the casket? Dick Whittington died of lead poisoning yesterday.
Perfect timing.
I worked so hard to stack the Surpreme Court with flunkies, and still they fail to recognize my absolute power. I’m sick of this Geneva Conferance and Checks and Balance nonsense. I am the Decider and I’ve decided to send those five judges to Gitmo. I’ll find me some new one like Scalia, Scalia Lite (Alito) and old Hair-on-the-Coke-can(Thomas). Those three guys don’t get all tangled up in facts and stuff. They are always loyal to me and the corporations. God Bless them and our flag. Dubya
I’m happy that Turd Blossum didn’t get caught with his hand in the cookie jar on that Wilson/Plame thing. Love the guy, but, he assigns more homework than any of my teachers in college. I’m gonna ask Daddy to talk to him. Karl ordered Laura to read me the entire 74-page memo from the Pentagon to the press on “Promoting this and future wars”. Heck, I already knew all this stuff. I don’t need no refresher course.
I love the new GOP Election 2006 Talking Points: Stay the Course, Fight Them Over There, Or Fight Them Here and We Can’t Cut and Run.
Short and Sweet. We Americans don’t like to waste time reading stuff…like that stupid 74-page memo. Just tell the public that this war is good for us oilmen and Halliburton and Dick and I are gonna trickle down on them real soon. War is good business, and business is good for America. President George W. Bush (not my daddy)
Turd Blossum told me the GOP can win the elections in 2006 and 2008 (Like I care about that one) if we keep pushing “CUT AND RUN, CUT AND RUN, CUT AND RUN…So, here my here’s my contribution: I will allow all National Guardsmen in Iraq (I reckon 75,000 or so) to cut and run out on their last year of service like I did during Vietnam. I’ll ask my daddy to “work it out with the Guard” like he did for me. I bet that will help my elites (my base) in the polls.
Our 6/6/6 Celebration was overshadowed by two bits of bad news.
First: My flunkies in Iraq killed my Boogeyman! Now, I’ll have to start all over and demonize some other two-bit thug. What were they thinking? Second: The four groups of my BASE are split on this stupid immigration thing. 1) SOCCER MOMS and 2) RACISTS hate and fear illegals and want them deported (or, better yet, shot), while my 3) CORPORATE SPONSERS and 4) CHRISTIAN FUNDALMENTALISTS (especially Catholics) want indentured slaves and more dollars in the collection plate. To win in Nov my guys need to spread hatred and fear, but at the same time, bilk millions out of the 34,000 corporate lobbyists in DC. What should I do? I can’t decide.
5/30 Tuff Week…Turd Blossum ordered me to admit I made some mistakes! I told him, “Rovie, my base won’t like this…when a kid questions his father’s authority in an elite mansion, he gets cut out of the will…in a redneck trailer, he gets a smack up ‘side the head…in a fundamentalist home, question the Father and you’ll go to hell! Blind faith in the father is the glue that holds my folks together. The father is always right because he is the decider.”
But, Karl’s the White House Father so I threw the press some crumbs: “MAYBE ‘Bring ‘em on’ and ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’ was too much swagger and MAYBE torture is bad for our image.”
So…Three of Alberto’s grandparents were illegals. This is a good example of why we need a guest worker program. If immigration enforcement had been better 50 years ago Al’s family would have been deported, and today I would have no one to help me fix our lame constitution thingie. That damn piece of paper stiffles big business and the one true religion and Jesus told me to update this mess created by Jefferson, Washington and all those other liberal nutjobs.
President George W. Bush (not my daddy)
PS: Who is Kurt Cobain and why did he will me the voices in his head? Will this interfer with my Hotline to Jesus? W
5-9: I don’t read newspapers…Karl briefs me each morning (boring!)…but, I love Fox News.
Some of you say that America has outsourced the truth to an Aussie who spins it into White House Talking Points. I look at it this way:
Fox News is better than the truth and that makes folks happy.
I am never wrong on Fox and viewers feel safe from terrorists and cloned human/animal hybrids.
Tony is the perfect man to catapult my propaganda!
I also love being Born Again, because Jesus talks to me. He told me to nuke Iran. He told me to hire Tony Snow and Karl said okay.
But now, Christ tells me to replace Cheney with Rush Limbaugh, Rummy with Bill O’Reilly and Rice with Ann Coulter (is Ann a gal?). I’ll run this by the boss tomorrow…Rovie has to okay all SON of GOD recommendations. W
5-10: Karl said nix to Coulter, Rush and, especially O’Reilly…their ratings are in the port-a-potty!
Too bad…Limbaugh and I could of had a good old time, clearing brush (heh,heh,heh) and expanding our minds on my ranch. President George W. Bush (not my daddy)
4-25: Still can’t find your bloggie thing but have some more propaganda to catapult:
India wants a little demo before they buy my nuclear fuel and Karl said I could drop a nuke on Iran. So, hold on to your ten-gallon hats, Nevada, cause we’re headed your way on June 2 for a little test.
After that, we nuke Iran just before Nov election to scare soccer moms on their way to the polls, we hold onto Congress, I sell a billion dollars of fuel to India and we bring back the draft right after the election. (Don’t print that draft thing- it’s classified!)
It’s hard work. Everybody’s working hard. W
4-5: Sold nuclear fuel and technology to India and Daddy says this deal makes me a member of the Carlyle Group. I knew Pakistan (arch enemy of them Hindu commies) would raise a holler…and, I offered this deal: Give me Bin Laden just before the November elections and I’ll cut you in on the action.
How’s that for thinking up stuff? Can’t trust them DeBolt results no more and I gotta keep my loyalists in Congress or else my butt might get impeached! Compassionately, President Bush (not my Daddy)
3-10: I was searching for a bloggie thing to catapult the propaganda for my new think tank when I ran across your name. Constructive Anarchy? You must be an insider and probably a Skull and Crossbones alum, so I choose you to honor with my wisdom.
I remember the story my daddy used to tell me about constructive anarchists:
In the early 1970s millions of misguided Americans took to the streets and caused a crisis of democracy. Those filthy liberals ran poor Mr. Nixon out of town on a rail.
Mr. Kissinger called a meeting of the inner circle and declared, “Ve must distance ourselves from Dick’s disaster. Ve aren’t Republicans or Conservatives anymore…Now, ve are…”
Yes?
…Der New and improved Conservatives…or better yet, Neo-Conservatives.
Applause.
And, ve need a new long-term goal: “Oil is too important to be in the hands of der Arabs!”
Here, here! But, how can we take what God wants us to have?
A Civil War. Ve must get all of der sects in the Middle East fighting among themselves so ve can sneak in and take vot is rightfully ours.
“Then, let’s call ourselves constructive anarchists!” declared my daddy.
Wrong, you idiot! Ve can’t let the public know our plans. From now on, Ve will call ourselves compassionate conservatives.
You at constructiveanarchy.com already knew this tale, but I love telling it again because Mr. Kissenger talked so funny. I don’t know why my daddy liked this story because that kraut call him an idiot. Never leak any of this to those millions of wing-nut moonbats on the internet.
“Wouldn’t be prudent,” as my daddy used to say.
I will deliver my first think tank ponderings to you in a couple of days. It’s hard work, thinking and stuff. Until then keep all this between brothers. I can’t remember the secret handskake. Can you?
President George W. Bush (not my Daddy).
Dear pResident Bust;
You’ve got it all wrong, Dude…a constructive anarchist never promotes violence or creates civil wars to steal oil. We are all about peace and social justice for the whole world, so knock off the Orwell Truthspeak. We both know that I am more likely to encounter a human animal hybrid than a compassionate conservative…the Patriot Act is an attempt to turn Americans into fearful sheep…nothing patriotic about it…your Clean Air Act is an environmental disaster…your base, the religious right, is neither.
“A rose is a rose is a rose”. Turd Blossum still calls a turd a rose…but now, two thirds of America have moved close enough to catch a wiff of your vile stench.
Peace and Love, Magic Sam
P.S. I know the secret handshake!
Published by Greg at 10:10 PM on May 24, 2006