Another exciting episode of THE WASILLA HILLBILLIES!
Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson split! Who could have seen that coming?Ummm…like everyone with an IQ above room temperature.
John and Carol Shepp McCain.
.With this ring I thee wed
If that’s the only way I can get you into bed…
In Wasilla birth control is taboo
But, if it’s chicks you woo, a ring-finger tatto will do!
And, just a couple of months before they split:
Tripp Johnston…Tripp Palin…Tripp Eisen…whatever
TAGS: Tripp, Tripp Johnston, Tripp Palin, political satire, celeutards
Rejected People Mag Tripp/Mom image…We’re not proud.Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston in an exclusive interview with Constructive Anarchy’s Elvis Slobinski:
Elvis: Congratulations on the birth of your son Tripp on 12/29/08 and for the $300,000 you kids scammed from People rag for the photos.
Bristol: Not bad for two high-school-dropouts and unwed mom.
Elvis: It boggles the mind…and thank you for granting an exclusive interview to Constructive Anarchy.
Levi: Not so fast, Dude. Did you bring our fee?
Elvis The Fabled White Peyote of The Grand Canyon and Four Corners Area?
You betya! Very rare and twice as strong as any peyote today…Carbon dated to 4,000 BC.
Bristol: 4000…Wow! That’s only four years after the creation of Adam and Eve.
Elvis: Ummmm…okay. Why would you kids want this stuff?
Bristol: We’re having a crisis of faith at our church. Some have forgotten how to speak in tongues and a few have even stopped praying for Armageddon.
Levi: We heard that white peyote is like spiritual viagra…so, let’s sample the goods.
Elvis: Slow down, kids. One of these buttons will make you violently ill and send you into a coma for several hours before the religious visions kick in.
I need to send back copy STAT or NO TICKET HOME!
Please…PLEASE! Answer a couple of questions…any teen gibberish will do.
Levi: Bummer.
Elvis: Why Tripp Johnston? Usually the baby takes the last name of the unwed mother.
Bristol: Oh, we’re getting married real soon.
Elvis: When?
Levi: That’s a very private family matter…until someone kicks in $500,000 for the wedding photo exclusive rights.
Elvis: I want to believe that you two are a couple of typical American Idealistic teens in search of truth and beauty and thus named your son after the incredible C Tripp Johnston Orchid.
I brought you one, Bristol…May I pin it on?
Bristol: Whatever. We don’t like have orchids in Alaska. Do orchids bite?
.Elvis: Levi…Your mom’s url is TakemeonaTrip.com.
Did you name your son in honor of Bob Dylan’s 1965 “Mr Tambourine Man”?
Levi: Who’s Bob Dylan?
Bristol: 1965? That’s as old as my mom!
Elvis: My point is that young Americans sometimes brand their offsprings with unfortunate tags…
Abbie Hoffman named his son Amerika…
Bristol: Who’s Abbie Hoffman?
Elvis: Grace Slick named her kid God…
Levi: Who?
Elvis: Okay…More recently (2005) Nike Cage (nee Nicholas Coppola) named his boy Kal-El (Superman).
.Bristol: Who’s Superman?
Levi: Ghostrider, Sweetie…his uncle did the Godfather flicks. Rock on, Nicky!
Elvis: My parents named me after Elvis Presley and I got beat up every day in elementary school.
Bristol and Levi: Who’s Elvis Presley?
Levi: Look, Dude, let’s get back to business…in 2003, there were only nine meth labs in Wasilla.
In 2008 the number increased to 42! Too much supply, not enough demand.
Elvis: And Meth calls to Wasilla Children’s Services increased to 40%!
Troopers dub Wasilla area the Meth Capital of Alaska
Levi: Whatever…The point is Sherry Johnston is a great GOP American hero, and through no fault of her own…her business was in the toilet. Mom was forced to expand her product-line to include Oxycontin to please Alaskan Rush Limbaugh fans…but then, Rush himself placed an order…and the FBI busted her.
Now, I…an 18-year-old hs dropout, single dad working full time, am expected to keep her business afloat while she does hard time.
Bristol: Stop whining! You’re just like that Nikey Cage dude…no talent, but you have the name.
Daddy got you a soft job as an apprentice electrician and Mom hired a nerd to earn us high school diplomas on line…and, you just got $300,000 for 2 minutes of your time!
Levi: You said your were on the pill.
Bristol: I got the pills from your mom.
Elvis: I can’t file my interview without one straight answer.
Please, please, PLEASE! Why did you name your son Tripp?
Levi: Easy, Dude…I named him after INDUSTRIAL METAL GOD Tripp Eisen
Bristol: AS IF! The highlight of Mom’s career was a 2-day $150,000 shopping spree…
Elvis: We know now…at least $200,000…
Bristol: Whatever. My mom has promised to name her next two kids Neiman Marcus and Saks 5th Avenue…
but Sarah Palin was yesterday…and Bristol Palin is NOW!
I’m an 18-year-old, high school dropout, unwed mother with $300,000 and I’m on my way to Tripp NYC to do some serious shopping!
EAT YOUR HEART OUT, MOMMY DEAREST!
Tripp NYC
Tripp Eisen
.Long before Obama’s 2008 HOPE campaign there was the DOPE (Tripp Eisen’s first band) tour.
Who is John Galt?
Published by Nick at 07:25 PM on May 11, 2002