Constructive Anarchy: The Blog

Dubya is gone…real Americans and real Christians will reclaim America.

I repeat…Jerry Falwell is dead.

The Age of American HypoChristians 1978-2008- will soon expire

A brand new coloring book sermon for Catholic Kids!

According to the group “Bishop Accountability,” some 3,000 priests out of the 42,000 across the country have since been denounced, some of whom have been investigated and convicted.
Since the scandal broke, US Catholic authorities have paid out close to 2.8 billion dollars in damages, forcing many dioceses to sell off their assets. Catholic coloring book warns US kids of pedophile priests

RELATED: Cardinal Mahoney Will Not File Charges In Assult
Roger Mahony, 71, spoke of the July attack at a recent conference of priests and said it gave him a deeper understanding of the suffering endured by victims of the nationwide scandal.
The main message is that my wounds healed within a month, bruises and all, but the victims of child abuse are still suffering after many years, and their wounds are far deeper than what I experienced.
Well, duh…

Enough with your emails! Yes, Greg is a real reverend.
We can provide documentation that he paid his $30 on the internet and thus, is just as qualified and legitimate as Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Ted Haggart and Jim Bakker.
Click here to start your own religion for $30
…The requirements to become a fry cook at McD are much tougher.
Please email Rev Greg.

Guest Sermonizer Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Open Letter To Kansas School Board

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

Rev Billy

Jesus Wants You To Stop the Shopocalypse

Thinning the herd

Above: Bishop John-David Schofield and his great, great, great, great, great grandson Bishop Jabba.

EDITOR: Ah, yes, Brother Schofield…Please split from the church and align yourself with your brethern in South Africa. In fact, take your flock to Jonestown.
Get out of my state, get out of my country.
I attended the Episcopal Church as a child…I may return if you leave.

30,000,000 Born Again Americans hung on Haggard’s every word

Who is Ted Haggart?

Judge Rules Against Pa. Biology Curriculum
By MARTHA RAFFAELE, Associated Press Writer
12-20: HARRISBURG, Pa. - In one of the biggest courtroom clashes between faith and evolution since the 1925 Scopes Monkey Trial, a federal judge barred a Pennsylvania public school district Tuesday from teaching “intelligent design” in biology class, saying the concept is creationism in disguise.
U.S. District Judge John E. Jones delivered a stinging attack on the Dover Area School Board, saying its first-in-the-nation decision in October 2004 to insert intelligent design into the science curriculum violated the constitutional separation of church and state.
The ruling was a major setback to the intelligent design movement, which is also waging battles in Georgia and Kansas. Intelligent design holds that living organisms are so complex that they must have been created by some kind of higher force.
Jones decried the “breathtaking inanity” of the Dover policy and accused several board members of lying to conceal their true motive, which he said was to promote religion.
A six-week trial over the issue yielded “overwhelming evidence” establishing that intelligent design “is a religious view, a mere re-labeling of creationism, and not a scientific theory,” said Jones, a Republican and a churchgoer appointed to the federal bench three years ago.
President Bush also weighed in on the issue of intelligent design recently, saying schools should present the concept when teaching about the origins of life.
In his ruling, Jones said that while intelligent design, or ID, arguments “may be true, a proposition on which the court takes no position, ID is not science.” Among other things, the judge said intelligent design “violates the centuries-old ground rules of science by invoking and permitting supernatural causation”; it relies on “flawed and illogical” arguments; and its attacks on evolution “have been refuted by the scientific community.”
The judge also said: “It is ironic that several of these individuals, who so staunchly and proudly touted their religious convictions in public, would time and again lie to cover their tracks and disguise the real purpose behind the ID Policy.”
Intelligent Design? Some of us have evolved more than others.

But now, the truth can finally be told: the Second Coming has already occurred. There was no coverage on Fox News and the world did not end. Instead, on November 1, 2004, Jesus popped up just outside the corporate headquarters of Walmart near Bentonville, Arkansas. He was immediately detained, inspected, disected, rejected and ordered to, “Move on, hippie freak.”
The J-man then called and asked me to drive Him to Ohio. Seemed like a bad idea, but what the hell… He is Christ: how could I turn Him down? We arrived on election morn, and Jesus urged a small group of followers to vote against Dubya. “What about the separation of church and state?” I asked. “Sometimes you have to fight turd blossums with turd blossums.” Jesus then led the faithful to the polls. He tried to vote, but was challenged by angry neocons: “You are an illegal alien of color with no permanent address. You just delivered an inflammatory speech that was unpatriotic, antiwar, and anti-big business. Call Homeland Security… this man is a liberal!”
I was one of many who witnessed the brutal arrest… Jesus, in handcuffs, slipped me the list of Christians who will ascend into heaven after the Apocalypse… Sorry, but not one arrogant, hateful, racist WASP made the cut. Blessed are the peacemakers, Dude. If you can’t, understand there is a spot in hell reserved for you and yours.
My old friend has been classified as a terrorist… a threat to national security. If Jesus ever receives a fair trial He will plead guilty to the liberal charge. JESUS IS A LIBERAL. Repeat: the real Christ is, was and will always be a liberal. Real Christians and Conservative Republicans used to honor Him as such.
Do you honor the real Son or Karl Rove’s Anti-Son? Help me rescue Jesus from screwhead Neoconmen and their toady HypoChristians and Hateriots. Peace, Magic Sam.
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Published by Greg at 01:00 AM on April 9, 2010