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Bush Apologizes for Intelligent Comment
October 18, 2006
NEW YORK (OMS) — George W. Bush stunned the United Nations General Assembly today when he accidentally uttered an incisive, coherent remark.
Bush was well into his normal tortured syntax-which the world’s leaders comfortably ignore-when he said the intelligent sentence. According to witnesses, Bush said, “Ishkabibble numbnuts Cheney slapdash himiny-pop both Israel and Palestine must be willing to compromise, not because it serves our murky military-industrial purposes, but because history demands that we stand up and stop the generational cycle of violence and revenge woogah woogah dickhead Murtha flibbertigibbet.”
Aides later said Bush had wandered from his written text and accidentally thought for himself. “He’s so embarrassed,” said President Cheney from his deep underground Fortress of Solitude. “It was just one of those things. Certainly not anything he’ll repeat, I tell you that.” Cheney then chuckled audibly as he fondled a choke collar, which was in itself remarkable, as Cheney has never been known to chuckle. Cheney then muttered something about “higher strength Xanax for that asshole” to an aide.
Bush later apologized for his outburst. “In my estimable thirty-six ages of lift, I have needled entered subway lick thought. And boy, am I seriously dingleberried about it. I wish to reassure my fellow puppets that noogies are mine for vengeance.”
When asked about Bush’s outburst, United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan remarked, “How long until the next election?” When informed that the next Presidential elections are more than two years away, Annan replied, “What the hell was I thinking? Why couldn’t I have just stayed in Cairo, dammit? I need a drink.”
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